Kody Walker Injured With Broken Foot; Razorbacks Still Cursed

According to multiple media reports, Arkansas Running Back Kody Walker went down with a broken foot in practice on Tuesday and had successful surgery on Wednesday. A small silver lining is that it happened during the spring, and reports are saying he should be ready to go by June. Obviously, he will be out the rest of spring training, which has roughly a week and a half to go at the time of this writing.

The running back stable in the spring has been pretty bare bones, as Walker is joining Rawleigh Williams III, Devwah Whaley, and T.J. Hammonds on the sidelines. Another small ray of sunshine is that we are getting to see Damon Mitchell, Juan Day, and Denzell Evans get some reps. Mitchell (AKA Duwop) is expected to take most of the first team reps.

Now another important matter, what Deity did the Razorbacks anger to deserve all these broken bones? The Hogs can’t seem to shake the broken bone plague the past few seasons, especially with running backs and their feet. Arkansas seemed to have a slew of broken bones early last season, something along the lines of 6 bones broken in various players in 3 weeks.

So, the question is, what entity/deity do we have to blame here? Our Editor-in-Chief would probably say Pepsi.  He brings some valid points to the table. However, I’m thinking maybe something even more ancient and powerful. From the collective minutes I remember actually being awake in college biology, and various commercials. I know that bones have calcium in them. Where do you find calcium? Rocks and minerals probably, but we don’t often eat them. HOWEVER, most of the fine folks in the Razorback fan base drinks milk. Where do most people get their milk from? Cows.

After an intensive Google search that almost saw me going to page two. I found two likely suspects, the Greek god Helios (AKA “The Sun God”) and the Egyptian goddess Hathor (Goddess of Cows.) After scanning through their Wikipedia pages, I eliminated Hathor as a suspect. Turns out she’s a pretty happy-go-lucky lady, who enjoys bringing joy and happiness. Broken bones and missed football games is the opposite of happiness and joy. So, that leaves just Helios.



(Just Look At That Smug Face)

What do we know about Helios? According to the lore, he’s the Sun. These broken bones have happened during the day. Coincidence? It’s interesting is all I am saying.  What does he have to do with Cows? Well, he’s a fan of cattle. In the “Odyssey,” AKA that rhyming book you had to read in High School and probably had to memorize the opening prayer, the main character Odysseus kills some of his herd. He doesn’t like this, and convinces Zeus to throw a lightning bolt through his ship or he’s taking the Sun to the underworld. He doesn’t mess around when it comes to our bovine friends, is what I’m saying.

This leaves us with two big questions, Why Arkansas and why now? I think I’ve cracked that code, and the answer in a word is, Texas. Yes, the University of Texas Longhorns are to blame.

Mandatory Credit: Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

 (You Jerk)


My guess, is that our friend Helios is a Texas fan, he likes cattle and UT’s mascot is cattle. The math checks out. Texas is currently in a down turn, and like most fans, Helios is in a bad mood when his teams lose. Well, here comes Coach Bielema and his band of Hogs and they go on to “slaughter” the Longhorns in the Texas Bowl in 2014. Helios finally has had enough, he decides he’ll show the Hogs “borderline erotic.” My guess is he probably had a bet with Hermes and had to let him drive the sun chariot or something.

While it’s not quite as severe as a lightning bolt through the ship, Helios has decided to take slight petty revenge against Coach B and “Running Back U”, because Texas is terrible at football.

So, Helios, I’m asking you college football fan to college football fan. Can you please quit being a jerk? I’ll take one for the team and have turkey burgers, bison burgers (Do bison count as cows?) or chicken sandwiches or something next season. That’s fair right?

Kickoff (September 3rd) is only 141 days away everyone! (From today’s date 4/14)

Woo Pig.