It’s the spookiest day of the year for Arkansas football and children across America. Once the sun sets, tots dressed as ghouls and goblins will take to the streets to sample your wares and judge you harshly if you don’t deliver.
In that spirit, we here at Razorbackers decided we would preview what treats you might receive if you visited the other SEC football programs as you visited their houses. Take this list seriously, or the wrong house could ruin your whole night.
Alabama: Fun-size Snickers
Snickers is the classic. It’s angering how perfect this is all the time. Eventually, you’d love to go one Halloween where it wasn’t the top-tier candy, but you don’t see a situation where that ever happens.
Georgia: Sour Patch Kids
This candy is newer on the scene, but it’s hard to argue its impact on kids. Moreover, it might be the only candy that has a chance to usurp Alabama as everyone’s favorite.
Mississippi State: Cow Tales
You don’t get why a school with a Bulldog mascot is so obsessed with cow stuff. And much like Mississippi State itself, you don’t know a single Arkansas football fan who likes this candy.
Texas A&M: Full-size Butterfinger
On the surface, you love the house that gives out full-size candy bars. It’s glitzy. It’s glamorous. It’s flashy and expensive. But, unfortunately, it’s also not worth the effort it takes to clean chunks of crispity, crunchity peanut butter out of your teeth.
Vanderbilt: The Norton Anthology of American Literature
Arkansas football fans all agree we’d be better off if we read the book Vanderbilt gave us, but no one intends to because learning is not what today is about. It’s about good football and better candy.
Tennessee: Your very first Almond Joy
You’ve never had one before, but your dad talks about how great they were and how much he loved them when he was a kid. People are strongly polarized by this candy, but you have to admit that your bag seems more well-rounded when they’re there.
Kentucky: A popsicle
Sure, we all love these, but it doesn’t matter how good they are; this isn’t the season for them. This could be the greatest popsicle of all time, and it will still feel wrong to eat it today. Call me again in March.
Florida: Chik-O-Stick or Bit-O-Honey
These candies have seen brighter days. They had their moment in the sun, but it feels like things are moving past them. Even when they were popular, they also absolutely wrecked your teeth.
LSU: Boudin Balls
These aren’t Halloween candy. It’s just that the guy giving them out is trying so hard to prove he belongs. We get it, man, you want all Arkansas football fans to think you’re a real cajun. Speaking of not belonging…
Missouri: Welch’s Fruit Snacks
They’re delicious, but they also don’t feel like Halloween candy, but here they are, I guess. Trying to force fruit juice on us is like trying to force a rivalry game. We’ll drink it when it happens organically.
Auburn: A nearly rotten apple
No one likes you right now, and it feels like you are headed for a dumpster soon.
Ole Miss: Not sure
You have no idea what candy they give away here. Your dad won’t let you Trick or Treat there because the man of the house hits on your mom at little league games.
And lastly, Arkansas football is a Reese’s Cup. They are lovable, fantastic, and unique.