Take A Shot With Jose: Bold Predictions for Missouri

UGH! Those darn Prescotts beat my Hogs by ONE point, ruining my prediction of 6-0. Fear not, as this week the Arkansas Razorbacks play host to the Missouri Tigers in the final game of the year, the Battle Line Rivalry. Missouri has won the past two years but that streak ends Friday and here are the shots of truth to explain how. My confidence is not shaken from last weeks blow and the more shots you have the more confidence you’ll have with me. It’s the last game of the year and the weather will be miserable but it will all be worth it when the Hogs hoist that 180 pound trophy! Buckle up, strap in, hunker down–it’s shot time!

ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS WILL FIND A NEW KICKER AT HALFTIME

I know, I know, it wasn’t the kickers fault last week, it was the poor blocking. However, it still hasn’t been good all year. Bret Bielema will make sure nothing like that happens again, for the regular season at least. Sometimes during half-times, teams will have a person or two kick a field goal for a chance to win something and this week the grand prize is to be the new kicker. It won’t be easy, they’ll have to make a field goal from 10, 20 and even the treacherous 30 yard distance! Once the ultimate half time kicker reigns supreme, they will suit up for the second half in case Bielema decides to settle for three, again. Sure, they’ll probably fail, but hey, it really can’t be much worse than what the Arkansas Razorbacks have right now. They definitely put the special in special teams.

RAZORBACKS UNVEIL NEW SILVER UNIFORMS

That’s right, silver. Why you may ask? Well this week the new Battle Line Trophy was unveiled and I must admit, it looks pretty sweet. The trophy has a nice silver polish to it and really makes it shine. David Bazzel designed the trophy and he also designed the new uniforms. All silver with highlights of cardinal red and the words “Battle Line” stretched across the front. Usually Bielema doesn’t mess with any superstitions and throwing a new uniform in there is not normal. Usually this isn’t anything too bold but here’s the secret… the uniforms are made out of real silver. Sure, it may weigh down the players but they’ll also bulldoze anyone in there way. They’ll also look pretty fly! Once the game is over the unis will be melted down for future Bazzel trophies.

Mandatory Credit: Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports

GARY PINKEL TEAMS UP WITH EVIL TWIN BROTHER

Everyone knows the battle Pinkel has been going through with his lymphoma and its a true testament to the man he is but what people don’t know is he has a evil brother. His name is Larry Winkel and he is terrifying. He’s usually dressed in all black and floating on the sidelines on a cloud of smoke. If he speaks to you then you’re doomed. His words land like a sledge hammer, enough to make even the biggest Mizzou linebacker quiver in fear. Pinkel and Winkel, an almost unstoppable team if it weren’t for the lack of talent for the Tigers. If you’re at the game and feel a warm, heartless chill fall over you, that’s Winkel entering the stadium.

Next: Tale of the Tape: Arkansas vs Mizzou

There you have it, the last shot with me for the regular season. In about a month or more I’ll have a shot for the lovely bowl game the Arkansas Razorbacks land in. I hope all you have survived my past six shots and for those who haven’t, I’ll pour some out for you. Take care Hog fans and cherish the football team for the last two games because you’ll only have the basketball team to watch for the next few months. Enjoy these shots responsibly, especially since it’s Thanksgiving, don’t need to add more fuel to your family get together.

Woo Pig.