Take A Shot With Jose: Bold Predictions For Mississippi St.

Before I begin I just want to say that no one here at Razorbackers predicted the Hogs being undefeated at this point. In my first TASWJ the Auburn edition, my last bold prediction was that the Hogs would win their last six games. Only two more games to fulfill my prediction and the probability is high! Of course all of you may be surprised, I knew this was coming. My shots are nothing but the truth–except for the ones that didn’t come through, but who’s counting! Now the Hogs get the chance to pummel Missississisisiissiisippi State. Don’t fret, Hog fans, I have the shots you need to feel confident and trust me, they’re strong! Pull up a chair, take a seat and unbuckle your belt, it’s shot time.

MISSISSIPPI STATE CLONED DAK PRESCOTT

The Bulldogs have relied heavily on Prescott all year to drag them through the SEC, and he’s done a pretty decent job. What the public doesn’t know is that geniuses at Miss. St. (is that an oxymoron?) have cloned Mr. Prescott ten times. That’s right, the entire offense will be nothing but Dak Prescotts, your eyes aren’t failing you. He will throw, he will catch, he will run and he will block. It’s safe to say the Bulldogs are desperate and scared coming into the Donald W. Horseshoe of Death. It may be freezing cold Saturday night, but the Hogs will be red hot. This plethora of Perscotts don’t have a prayer. It will be a career day for the real Dak Prescott, though, as he will have ALL of the offensive stats.  They will officially change their mascot to the Prescott to honor the one man who was the team.

BIELEMA WILL ENTER STADIUM WWE STYLE

Bielema is riding sky high right now. His confidence is unmatched, and he’s not afraid to show it off. Usually the the players run through the A to begin the game, through a cloud of smoke. Not agiainst the Bulldogs. The lights will shine to the Hog pin as fireworks and pyrotechnics begin to shoot off. The crowd will ooh and aah. Through the smoke Bielema will come through, strutting his stuff, face painted, chest out, holding a mic and mean mugging the Prescotts. He’ll pause, the crowd will go silent, and he’ll ask the 72,000 fans, “DO YOU SMELLLLLLL WHAT THE BERT IS COOKING?!”. The fans will go wild. Everyone knows what the Bert is cooking–it’s called victory. He’ll make his way to center field and ask, “ARE YOU READY?!”. By this time his players are going wild too. Even at the end of the game (after the Hogs have embarrassed the Prescotts), Bielema will meet with Dan Mullen for the usual handshake. This time however, coach will pick him up and body slam him. Don’t enter the ring with Bert, he will make you pay.

DOMINIQUE REED CONTROLS TIME

Mandatory Credit: Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Although bizarre, it is true. Reed actually has the ability to manipulate time to his advantage. Just look at his touchdown catch against LSU. It looked like he had no shot to get to the edge and get another 50 yards for the score, but he did, and now you know why. If it looked like he was running in real time while the Tiger players were in slow motion, it’s because that’s exactly what happened. Against the Bulldogs it will be much of the same. He will glide by defenders as they reach out to no avail. No one knows his secret as to how he does it. Some say he’s a time traveler, others think he is so fast that he actually offsets the Earth’s spin, slowing life around him. He may know the Doctor. All I know is it’s fun to watch. Bring a pocket watch to the game. Any time Reed catches the ball, take a look at your watch. See if the hands tick slower and if they do, watch him gallop into the end zone.

Next: Who's The Best QB in the SEC?

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That’s it! Hands up and mouths closed, the shots are over and you can rest your brain. I know it’s a lot to take in, but you’ll be the better for it. No need to thank me, unless it’s with lots of money. It will be a cold one, so bundle up or if you’re close enough to the field you can stay warm by how on fire the Hogs will be. As always take this shot and share with care. I’m not responsible for the any lost items or dignity. Next week will be the last regular season game for the Hogs. Senior night at the Donald W Horseshoe of Death as the Hogs take on Missouri or for the hip crowd, Mizzou.

Woo Pig.