Last week, when I came up with the Sad Razorback Fans Playlist, I thought to myself “At least this will probably be the low point for the 2015 season.”
Wrong.
Not that Texas Tech isn’t a good program. But the Arkansas Razorbacks cost themselves a shot at a victory for the second week in a row with penalties on touchdown plays. Not to mention that, with the loss of Jared Cornelius, the Razorbacks are having to burn redshirts to put enough receivers on the field, and are now missing 3 of their 5 biggest offensive weapons. Hooray.
Basically, it’s a total mess in Fayetteville. The only people happy about this are liquor store owners across the state. Too bad they can’t be open on Sunday to cash in on all that sweet, sweet depression. (This will lead to the tradition of the “Dry Sunday Meth Run” continuing across the state.)
So, hurry up and get to the county line and stock up for this weekend, Hog fans. Because it’s time to hold a wake for the Hogs. And I have put together an even sadder playlist than last time to help you make it through these dark times.
Let’s break it down like last time.
1) Hurt by Johnny Cash – An Arkansas native, Cash would be very upset with the lack of grit showed by the Hogs in key moments of the game. This song kicks our list off because it’s equal parts depressing and horribly depressing, just like the Razorbacks season. “You could have it all/my empire of dirt./I will let you down/I will make you Hurt.”
2) Sarah McLachlan’s ASPCA commercial – YOU EARNED THIS. WATCH IT. WATCH ALL 2 MINUTES OF IT. YOU MADE THOSE PUPPIES SAD.
3) Yesterday by The Beatles – The Beatles could be dark when they wanted to be. Although there may be other, darker songs by the…Liverpoolians? Liverpoolites?…this song perfectly captures my feelings right now. Yesterday I was full of hope. Today came too fast. “Now I long for Yesterday.”
4) Jumper by Third Eye Blind – This song is dedicated to all the Razorback fans that are up in Northwest Arkansas. I know that there are plenty of mountains around you. “I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.” There’s more to this life than football. (So I’m told.)
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5) The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down by The Band – First off, before you ask, you’re damn right I chose the live version from “The Last Waltz”. This is the second appearance by an Arkansan on our list as well with Levon Helm. “the night they drove old Dixie down/and the bells were ringing”.
6) Seven Spanish Angels by Willie Nelson and Ray Charles – As Bret Bielema and the Razorbacks saddle up to face their SEC west conference schedule, they’re basically knowingly riding into their own demise. That takes guts. Just like in this song, where two lovers choose to die together than be taken to prison. The Hogs and their fearless leader are going to have to Thelma & Louise it into the beef of their schedule. “They could hear the riders coming/he said “this is my last fight./If they take me back to Texas/they won’t take me back alive.”
7) The opening montage from Disney’s “UP” – I can’t think of anything sadder. Much like Carl and Ellie, we had so many things we wanted to accomplish this season. I don’t know if there’s enough balloons in Arkansas to float away a house with Bert in it, but this season is making the Advocare Texas Bowl last year feel like Paradise Falls.
8) Arkansas Blues by Hayes Carll – Yes, this was on the last playlist. But it’s just too perfect to leave it off of this one. “but it’s the same old scene/borrowed love and faded dreams/and you just can’t hide/from those Arkansas blues.”
9) Trois Gymnopedies by Erik Satie – One of the few “classical” compositions that is always in my playlists. You may not know the name of it, but you’ve heard it. It is the go “sad piano” song for sad parts in movies. Because it’s super sad sounding.
10) The Rose by Conway Twitty – My favorite version of this classic song. Just like the last playlist, I want to end it with a little (very little) bit of positivity. While the majority of Twitty’s crooning is about sadness and loss, he does remind us at the end that there is always a tomorrow, without being as annoying and optimistic as that ginger orphan girl. “Just remember in the winter/far beneath the bitter snows./Lies the seed, that with the suns love/in the spring becomes the Rose”.
Just remember, Hog fans, that while you may think the season is over, there’s still at least 9 more games to be played. The team will need you. So get the sadness out now. By Wednesday, you’ll be calling into radio shows talking about how these last 2 games were flukes. Because they totally were.